


Love Will Remember

by disarmed



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-19
Updated: 2013-08-19
Packaged: 2017-12-24 00:42:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/933096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disarmed/pseuds/disarmed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki finds Pepper curled up in one of Tony’s old shirts and a pair of his sweat pants, nursing a bottle of whiskey and buried beneath the bed-covers after the funeral. He stands in the doorway and contemplates the woman before him before slipping into the bed next to her. Pepper passes him the bottle. Loki takes a generous swig even though he detests the taste. For a moment the taste of Stark is in his mouth and he relishes the stolen seconds. Pepper is a shaking, warm mess beside him as she takes the bottle back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Will Remember

**Author's Note:**

> this has been in my head for a while, but i managed to rip it out in about two hours in the early hours of the morning. yes, it's sad, but not always. it's not meant to be a detailed tragedy, it just is what it is, y'know?

Loki feels the severing in the coldest part of his Jotunn heart. He is in Vanaheim, wheedling a trade around an old mage and the inconsistencies in the man’s withering memories when the crack sounds in his ears. Like the sound of the ground splitting beneath the might of his brother’s hammer, the sharp crack resounds in Loki’s ears and he drops to one knee, gasping in breath with rattled lungs and growing fear. He presses splayed fingers to his breast, feels the hummingbird beat of his heart flutter inconsistent and continuous as he struggles to stay conscious.

 

-

 

There is a strange sound in the room. An anguished, animalistic cry that sounds increases in pitch and ends in a low, broken whine. Pepper has trouble placing the origin of the horrible sound until she realises it is coming from her own throat. She can not breathe. The world is swimming. She feels herself backing away from the monitor, hears voices around her, feels pressure compressing into panic and disbelief. The world is a swirl of colours and a lack of oxygen, and she lets out a pained sound before dropping to the ground in a dead faint.

 

\--

 

Loki appears in the crowd-condensed street in a swirling mass of black smoke and crackling green energy. Tendrils of space and energy linger on his cape as he whips his head around and strides to the place marked with orange tape and lined by human authority figures.

 

‘Move,’ he growls as he passes through, and they do, stepping aside for him in silence. No one questions him. No one tries to stop him. There is no protest.

 

The entire street is silent. The people are silent. New York is as dead as its own hero.

 

The Iron Man.

 

\--

 

‘This is as far as -’

 

Pepper has the car door open before the driver can even finish his sentence. The gathered people turn to face her as she pushes her way through and they slowly slide apart as if they can sense her coming, watching her with wide, unblinking eyes as she passes them by. The police let her pass, the ambulance rests still and unnecessary on the curb, and Pepper can see the hunched figure of green and black reaching out with tentative hands to a prone suit of red and gold.

 

‘ _No_ ,’ the word wrenches itself from her throat and she thinks that this may be it, this may be where she loses it, and suddenly she’s running.

  
  


\--

 

Loki straightens when he hears the agonized _‘no’_ from behind him and turns on his heel to catch Pepper as she throws herself at him, fingers clutching at his chest while also trying to push past him, holding him close while turning him away, and Loki puts his body between hers and Tony’s and grips her face in his hands.

 

‘A breath, take one,’ he says firmly, and Pepper’s watered eyes and pale face meet his in a twisted expression of loss and horror. She does as he requests, searching his face before he slowly steps aside, his hand trailing down her arm to grip her hand tightly, and then she is falling to her knees and Loki lets her go, watches as she crawls atop Tony’s broken suit and body, presses her trembling hands to the still form and drops her head as her body is wracked with convulsions.

 

Loki drops beside her, gathers her to him and holds her close.

 

‘Fix it,’ she gasps into his chest amidst her tears and heartbreak. ‘Bring him back. I _know_ you can do it. Bring him _back_.’

 

Loki just holds her tighter and presses his nose to her hair, breathing in the scent of life and warmth, the scent that no longer emanates from Tony Stark’s body lying twelve inches to his right.

 

\--

 

Loki finds Pepper curled up in one of Tony’s old shirts and a pair of his sweat pants, nursing a bottle of whiskey and buried beneath the bedcovers after the funeral. He stands in the doorway and contemplates the woman before him before slipping into the bed next to her. Pepper passes him the bottle. Loki takes a generous swig even though he detests the taste. For a moment the taste of Stark is in his mouth and he relishes the stolen seconds. Pepper is a shaking, warm mess beside him as she takes the bottle back.

 

Loki props himself up against the headboard and extends his arm, allowing her the rare solace of the space next to his body, where he knows she liked to press up against Tony the most. She falls into the space with a sad eagerness, still clutching the bottle as she presses her tear stained cheek to his chest.

 

Loki swallows. ‘I find solace in the fact Victor perished,’ he says into the terrible silent.

 

Pepper just inhales sharply. ‘I find no solace in anything but you,’ she replies with a croak, and then suckles from the bottle again. ‘You know what I want you to do.’

 

‘I will not.’ Loki strokes her arm slowly. ‘Both because I can not and that it is against natural law.’

 

‘There was a time,’ says Pepper acidly, ‘that you wouldn’t have cared for any laws.’

 

‘I care about this one,’ he says sharply, and she relents, dropping back to almost lifeless at his side. ‘I can not,’ he says after a moment, a long moment in which he weighs his words and considers the implications of the answers he is about to give. ‘I can not do what you ask of me. It is beyond my powers.’ He lets his tongue wet his lip, knows Pepper is listening intently despite her drunkenness and heartbreak. ‘If I were to attempt it... What would come back would not be him. It would not be the man you know.’

 

Pepper just nods into his chest. ‘I’m sorry.’

 

‘Do not be,’ he murmurs consolingly, ‘I would have asked the same of myself.’

 

She lifts the bottle in offering, and Loki thinks that if it were possible, he would drown himself in it.

 

\--

 

A day passes.

 

Pepper is a business woman with a face of stone and she takes over Stark Industries as she always would have in an event such as this.

 

In the event of Tony Stark’s death.

 

She is formidable and unforthcoming and people fear her, and Loki feels himself losing her in the span of an hour when she steps out of the shower and slips on her pant suit, puts her feet into her high heels and wears her hair tight and off her face. He watches her apply her make up the way a warrior might apply war paint, and she goes to face the masses with a high head.

 

Loki trails the sidelines and watches from the shadows, a constant pressure nagging at his heart and a war waging in his mind.

 

\--

 

A week passes.

 

Loki walks in to find Pepper has almost destroyed the bedroom. Tony’s old clothes are half in boxes and half out, there are lists and ripped lists and Loki spots her standing with her forehead pressed to a wall.

 

‘I’ve always been efficient and practical,’ she says to the plaster, and Loki picks his way through the room. ‘I always knew what to do next. I always knew what move to make. Now - Now I don’t even know if I want to wake up in the morning.’

 

Loki blankets her with his body, presses her against the wall and lets her relax into the box-hold. He doesn’t say anything.

 

‘The others - Steve, Bruce - all of them. They want to talk and help but there’s nothing to talk about and there’s nothing they can do to help because he’s gone and he’s not coming back. He’s _dead_ , Loki, and there is _nothing_ that I can do about it.’ Pepper is yelling now, yelling at the wall and at him and at herself and Loki just brackets her with his arms and lets her lose herself.

 

\--

 

A month passes.

 

A terrorist organization releases an old Stark Industries weapon onto an innocent township in Eastern Arabia. Loki finds himself on the scene as soon as he hears about it, and he rips apart anybody involved in a bloodbath. The sand and stone is littered with the glittering red of blood and rough gristle when he is finished, and Loki feels the beautiful rush of power run through his veins, amidst the lingering high of righteous fury. He crunches a body beneath his foot, delighting in the snapcrack of the bone as he leaves.

 

He comes home to Pepper waiting for him, and she kisses the blood of his enemies from his face and takes him to the bedroom, and he fucks her as hard as he can, leaving bruises on her protruding rib cage and kisses on her prominent collarbones. Her nails rip into his back and create gouges that heal in moments, and Pepper seems to find this beautiful, because she does it again and again and again.

 

There is the phantom touch of a hand on his ribcage and Loki almost falls off the bed, but he is imagining things and Pepper is looking at him with worried eyes, the haze of her blood lust fading, so Loki resumes his reckless thrusting and bites hard into her delicate skin until he breaks skin and she keens beneath him.

 

\--

 

Loki lies there in the aftermath of their fucking and stares at the woman that he and Tony loved equally. He could have a future with Pepper. He had always planned to take a few apples from Idunn’s orchard at some point, offer to them both the idea of an eternity with him; he had been transformed by sentiment after all. Those plans seemed faded, but his love for Pepper has not.

 

Now, as he looks at Pepper’s thin, sleeping form, with limp hair and dark circles beneath her not-so-bright eyes, he knows his moral compass has made a complete turn.

 

He slips from the bed with a chaste kiss to her temple.

 

There is another woman he must visit this day.

 

And it would do Pepper no favours to know who.

 

\--

 

She stands before him in a dress made of black smoke and the stench of decay. She regards him with dark, empty eyes and her lips twitch as she extends a curious hand. 

 

‘Hello, Father.’

 

Loki inclines his head. ‘Hela.’ He takes her cold, thin hand and kisses the back of it, his eyes resolutely not fixing on the figure standing beside her.

 

She smiles slightly condescendingly. ‘To what do I owe this visit?’

 

Loki straightens stiffly. ‘I would ask a boon of you.’

 

‘I can not give it to you.’

 

'You know not what I want.’

 

Hela laughs then, a horrible, light sound that haunts. She gestures to the figure beside her. ‘Don’t I?’

 

Loki finally tears his gaze from his daughter’s face to the face of the man he loves.

 

Tony Stark stares silently back at him.

 

Loki faces Hela once more. ‘A trade.’

 

‘No,’ says Hela softly, looking to Tony and tracing a hand down his cheek. ‘He is worth far more than any you could offer.’

 

‘He belongs on Earth, or at the very least Valhalla,’ says Loki coldly, ‘not here, and you know it.’

 

‘Yet here he is.’ Hela’s words are soft and honest. ‘His soul is mine, Father, and nothing you offer me will force me to give it up.’ She looks at him, and for a moment she is his daughter with a soft pout and wide eyes. ‘I take good care of him, Father.’

 

Loki is undoubtedly surprised when Tony drops one eyelid in a slow, deliberate wink.

 

‘You see,’ says Hela, catching the exchange, ‘he is _different_.’ She relishes the word, swirls around Tony in a roiling mix of smoke and bone, her skeletal face flashing in intervals when the light catches her at the wrong angle. ‘He is a treasure to have in my halls, and I do treat him as such. Besides, what would my grandfather say,’ she adds as she looks at Loki over Tony’s shoulder, ‘if he knew you were here bartering for a mortal soul?’

 

‘What he does not know -’

 

‘The Allfather knows everything,’ and Hela’s words are not bitter but they are hard. ‘I am of your blood, Father, do not lie to me.’

 

Loki relents. ‘I apologize.’ His eyes meet Tony’s dark ones. ‘Love makes any being behave irrationally.’

 

Tony’s lips twitch into an almost amused smile.

 

Hela, who has been watching the exchange with old eyes, steps back. ‘I can not grant you what you wish,’ she repeats, ‘but I will give you something else.’ She retreats into the shadows and pillars of her halls. ‘Time. Use it wisely.’ Then she is gone, and Loki is left with the soul of the man he loves in the underground of Hel.

 

‘She’s definitely something, your daughter.’

 

Loki almost falls to his knees at the sound of Tony’s voice. It sounds raspy and unused, and when Loki can look up and meet Tony’s eyes the other man looks almost amused.

 

‘My children,’ says Loki slowly, ‘are all rather... interesting.’ He steps closer, towards Tony, but a lifted hand stops him.

 

‘Don’t get too close.’ He says, a little cruelly, and Loki feels hurt twist in his gut. ‘I didn’t mean it like that,’ says Tony quickly, obviously seeing the hurt on Loki's face, and then he grimaces and then moves in closer, so he is the one closing the distance. ‘I’m pretty fresh - but you know. The lighting.’ Tony gestures to the strangely lit hall. ‘Bit of peeling skin and all.’ He swallows and points to his chest. ‘The hole is a little creepy, too.’

 

‘I understand,’ says Loki brokenly, and presses a hand to the place where Tony’s heart should be. His thumb presses through the fabric of his shirt into the hole itself, and both men tense. Loki hesitates. ‘She misses you more than anything. I do not know what to do.’

 

‘You’re doing pretty well,’ Tony tells him simply, and Loki is astonished. ‘Don’t tell her I told you,’ Tony whispers conspiratorially, ‘but your daughter’s got a bit of soft spot for me. She lets me check in on you from time to time.’ He winks again, and Loki almost doesn’t know what to say next. ‘Don’t worry,’ says Tony slightly mockingly, ‘I’m not going to sleep with her.’ His expression turns serious. ‘My hearts not really in it, guess I left it back on Earth with you two.’

 

Loki chokes out a broken laugh. ‘That was a terrible line.’

 

Tony shrugs. ‘I’m a little rusty with the flirting thing. The company here is dull apart from Hel, and she doesn’t really get my dead-jokes.’

 

‘You’re taking this too well,’ says Loki with a frown.

 

Tony shrugs. ‘It’s happened, you know? Could be worse. Victor ended up here and your girl beat his ass. He’s doing far worse than me.’

 

Loki’s rage flares up like a beast with a terrible hunger. ‘He will never suffer enough -’

 

‘Cool it,’ says Tony firmly. ‘It’s all good. Trust me, he’s suffering. I mean, obviously I’m pretty pissed about the whole situation but shit happens. I’m here now. Not much I can do about it.’ He eyes Loki knowingly. ‘No use trying to trade our places either.’ He rolls his eyes at Loki’s surprised expression. ‘Don’t look so surprised. You’re practically transparent.’

 

Loki bristles. ‘What I would have done -’

 

‘Is something I have no words for,’ cuts in Tony, eyeing Loki with a smile, ‘that you’d even come here, is something. But you need to go home, and you need to look after Pepper. Don’t let her drink so much, it’s not good for her health. Also, make sure she eats something.’ Tony tilts his head sadly. ‘Tell her to do what feels right, in terms of the company, she knows that, I think, but tell her again for me. Tell her -’ Tony’s voice breaks, and he swallows. ‘Tell her I love her, and that I miss her, I miss her more than anything, but she’s gonna be okay.’ Tony reaches out and puts a hand on Loki’s shoulder. ‘She’s still got you. We both have.’

 

Loki shuts his eyes and presses his chin to Tony’s hand, taking small comfort in the cold skin touching his.

  
  


‘Time’s up.’

 

Hela emerges from the shadows, and Loki wants to take Tony and run, snatch him away and bring him back. He wants to kiss him, decay or not, and he doesn’t know what to do except stand there and watch as Tony’s hand slips from his shoulder and Hela comes to stand between them.

 

When he looks into his daughter’s dead eyes he speaks honestly. ‘Thank you.’

 

She inclines her head. ‘You can see yourself out, I presume.’

 

Loki nods, his heart in his throat as he retreats, his eyes on Tony’s still, silent form, and then his daughter wavers from view and takes Tony with her.

 

\--

 

He doesn’t go straight to Pepper. He stops by to see Thor, and his brother takes him out and they walk down streets and alleys for a few hours, talking of everything and nothing and Thor never questions Loki’s motives once, never pressures him of anything, never asks him anything, just listens and responds and tells Loki of Jane’s recent work and how the Darcy girl is doing in her studies and all the little things Loki cares not for but needs to hear.

 

He leaves Thor when the night is upon them, and when he arrives back in search of Pepper she is in the kitchen fixing dinner.

 

‘I didn’t know if you were going to be around, but I cooked for you just in case,’ she says when she spots him.

 

Loki feels guilty. It is the first time he has even seen her cook since Tony died. 

 

‘Come,’ she says, and serves him up a plate. Loki picks at it and slowly starts his story. He is hesitant at first, detached in his telling, and then slowly falls into the emotion of it.

 

Pepper listens silently the entire way, eating her own food and nodding at appropriate intervals, sipping at the glass of water to her right on occasion. Loki tells her everything, every little detail, and she hardly seems bothered by any of it, as if this is a somewhat regular conversation they have over dinner.

 

He tells her this.

 

‘Oh,’ says Pepper after she’s swallowed another sip of water. ‘I was there; I know.’

 

Loki just stares at her.

 

Pepper puts her fork down and clears her throat. ‘Your daughter? Hela? I think she’s very much like you. A cold outer shell, but rather sentimental on the inside, along with a penchant for breaking the rules.’ Pepper’s smile is rueful. ‘She told me you wouldn’t be able to see me, neither of you, but I could see and hear and everything that went on.’

 

Loki swears.

 

‘She did me a great gift, Loki,’ says Pepper slowly. ‘She gave us something we both needed.’ She exhales slowly. ‘Tony was right, as well. I’m not giving you up. I’m not letting you go. I love you just as I love him, and I’m not having you walk out on me.’

 

Loki gets up from his chair and walks around the table, dropping to his knees before Pepper and resting his head in her lap, feeling her fingers card through his hair.

 

‘I will never leave you,’ he says, and the promise echoes in the healing silence.

 

\--

 

Another month passes.

 

They are in bed, Loki on his back with an arm slung out on Pepper’s side of the bed, her head resting on his bicep, when the bed dips with another’s weight and the sheets are pulled from his body.

 

Loki jerks away quickly, but cool lips press against his and silence him, and he goes into the kiss eagerly and in awe. Pepper stirs beside them.

 

‘Is this real?’ Loki whispers hoarsely into the dark.

 

Pepper rolls over. ‘What is it?’ she asks tiredly, and the lips leave Loki's and move to meet hers, slow and sure and lingering and Pepper lets out a sad, distressed sound that turns into an eager huff when the kiss is broken.

 

Tony chuckles above them. ‘Hela got so sick of me bothering her she finally gave in.’

 

Pepper gasps and sits upright, hands clutching at his shoulders. ‘Are you -’

 

‘No,’ answers Loki, because he knows his daughter and he knows the rules of the Nine Realms, and he felt the sadness and urgency in Tony’s kiss. ‘Just tonight. Just this once.’

 

Pepper starts to cry, but she brushes off her tears before either of them can say anything. ‘In that case,’ she says resolutely, curling her hand around Tony’s neck and the other around Loki’s wrist, ‘we should get started.’

 

‘Always eager, aren’t you Pep?’ murmurs Tony, and then he’s kissing her again, deep and full and desperate, and Loki’s heart breaks at the sight of them both in the night light, but then Tony pulls him in and he becomes a part of their shadow game, hands on flesh and tongues on teeth, and Loki thinks that there are things that should be said, that time is precious, that there is so much that they need to press into their small miracle -

 

‘Stop thinking about it,’ says Tony suddenly, teeth on Loki’s jaw as Pepper curves around them both. ‘It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay.’

 

Pepper’s tears wet their flesh but her hands are loving and her kisses are soft, and Tony smiles at them both. ‘Everything will be okay,' he says as Loki succumbs to his touch. 'I promise.’

 

 

 


End file.
